I-m-possible

I fear to talk
For I may not be listened to
But I will express my thoughts
For there must be someone who would

I fear to try
For I may not succeed
But I will never cease to toil
For I will win one day

I fear to dream
For it may not be true
But I will lose myself to it
For I still have hope

No matter how impossible it may seem
I will talk, try and dream
And strive for what I desire
For I will reach there one day

Silent smiles

Over the distant hill hovered patches of white clouds
Like huge pieces of cotton embedded in the canvas of the sky
The earth seemed young, pretty and excited like a teenage girl
And the clouds though majestic and much sought after, were still humble!

Far removed from the earth, the clouds frowned
Their inability to be with her, made them sad
They told the earth about their helplessness that made heir hearts weep
But she smiled back!

They flew over and glanced at her from the top
Felt her presence but not the softness of her touch
Sad with a sullen face, they looked towards the earth
But she smiled back!

Cursed the air which connected them to their love
Thought invisible to the eye it could be so close to her
Angered at such a thought, they turned grey-black
But the earth smiled still!

The clouds looked confused
Wondered and pondered if she loved them as much
The earth said that she lived for them
And held their tears in her heart when they cried!

A bee and his rose

It was a long day. The sun shone brightly high above and the wind blew silently from the west. A bee hovered from flower to flower in the scorching heat. The queen had strict orders. They had to be followed. He could not escape work. He could not rest for that would deteriorate his reputation as the best worker among the swarm of bees in his hive.

As he flew over a large garden, he saw a lot of flowers - yellow, green, red, blue. All kinds! They were under a large banyan tree and were happily swaying in the cool breeze. This garden was known to him. He had been there many times. The flowers here were kind and friendly. They sometimes, offered him a place to sit and relax before he flew back.

But the garden was not the same, today. He noticed a little flower in the corner. A bright little rose - a white one! She was shy and looked down. She was one among the rest, but seemed different. He had not seen her before. Perhaps, she was a new member to the family of flowers. The bee stopped for a moment. He decided to go over and meet her. She turned out to be a very friendly little flower. She welcomed the bee heartily and asked about him. The bee felt very happy at her response. His heart felt glad to have met her. They exchanged their joys and shared their sorrows. In a short time, they became good friends. Now, it was time for the bee to return. He bid his new friend good-bye, and promised to return the next day.

The bee thought about her all the way while he flew back. He could not forget the way she smiled. It was so different, he pondered. It made him feel cared for. It made him feel special. He loved the way she treated him. He could not wait for the next day to meet her. He flew back again to the garden! To his surprise, he found the little rose was waiting for him. She was happy to see him back and smiled. The bee smiled back. The little flower had taught him how to smile! He finally bid good-bye and returned to his hive.

He was the happiest one among the lot, that night. Pretty excited, he left for his rose early next day. The scorching heat mattered no more! All he cared for was to meet his new friend, the little rose. As he reached the garden, he went straight to her. The little flower looked bigger! As he wondered, what made her grow so much in one night, the rose replied that it’s their friendship. The bee was elated and smiled in silence. The rose understood his smile. They smiled together. They talked for hours again, till the rose said it was time and he should leave to cater to his duties. The bee was not sad, for he knew his rose was right!

The bee and the rose became the best of friends. The bee flew everyday to the rose and always found her waiting for him!

The Big Picture

Have you ever lied down and cried all night? I have. The reasons have to be strong enough for such an emotional outburst. They were. How do I convey you what I felt, for I have no words that could possibly even come close to describe the feeling. The closest I can go is an unknown dark tunnel, probably indicative of suffocation or shrill cacophonous noise, probably of despair or may be it was like a stench, probably of the dark abyss I had fallen into!

Have you ever closed your eyes and smiled in silence? I have. Many a times, in fact. The reasons vary, but the feeling never changes. Words would fall short and I would run out of adjectives if I attempt to pen down what exactly is the feeling. Should I try, I might put it down as a streak of bright light, probably of hope or melodious tunes flowing from far across, probably of rejoice or perhaps a sweet fragrance that fills up the entire space around me, probably of the fresh new opportunities !

Isn’t it weird that there is always a cycle of sorrow and happiness that goes round and round? Strange are the ways life trades with us. What seems bizarre is probably a self-conciliatory mechanism in place. Someone up there perhaps takes care of us really. Whatever it is, it is not that easy to understand the larger scheme of things of the almighty!

My tryst with the Indian Institute of Technlogy : Chapter 1

IIT JEE Mains Examination 2004

I was one of the several thousands of dreamy young students appearing for the IIT JEE Mains Examination 2004. Having cleared the IIT JEE Screening Examination 2004 was an achievement in itself. To be a part of those few thousands eligible to appear the Mains was a matter of great pride. Nervousness as well! I had no apparent expectations but yes within, there was a desire to be a part of the elite group of institutions – the top most engineering schools of India, the most revered of the Indian institutions world wide – The Indian Institutes of Technology, better known by their acronym IITs. Why? Well, probably a matter of prestige more than anything else.

Mains Paper 1: Chemistry

Chemistry was never my stronghold. I was however, more comfortable with organic chemistry than physical chemistry. Inorganic was kind of okay! The paper was not as difficult as it was hyped to be. Or perhaps we were lucky! I did quite a few sums, and was fairly satisfied at the end of the two hours.

Mains Paper 2: Physics

I loved Physics. It was a subject that provided a chance to learn about the science behind real life observations. Physics paper was a cakewalk! Pretty easy, by IIT standards. I attempted most of the sums. Problems were simple, but very fundamental by nature. I loved the questions! Oh I wish I hadn’t made some (read quite a few) stupid calculation errors, which I realized later only when I checked my solutions on the FIITJEE site!

Mains Paper 3: Mathematics

The Mains paper was passing by like a dream. Two papers down and I was so satisfied with my performance! I was wondering, what the questions would be like in the Mathematics paper. The Mathematics paper opened my eyes. For the first few minutes, all I could do is turn the pages of the question booklet over and over again in search of a suitable problem to lay my hands on. Even the 2 marks questions were monstrous! As time passed by my search continued, solving a problem here and there. I could just attempt 22 marks out of 60.

My tryst with the Indian Institute of Technology : Chapter 2

Counseling session at IIT Kharagpur

What followed next is the anxious wait for the results. They were due sometime in June. I woke up early that morning to find out the results from the IIT website. As expected, the lines were all choked and it took quite some time to know if I had cracked the IIT JEE 2004. Those were nerve-racking moments, not only for me but for my whole family as well. My mother was perhaps praying to God. My brother was at the computer, checking out my results, murmuring consoling words to ease out my tension that had apparently stressed me out by that time. Just then, the screen flashed.

You have qualified IIT JEE Mains 2004 as a GE Candidate

Your All India Rank is 2749

I wasn’t so happy with the number, yet I was very relieved to realize I had qualified what is touted as one of the most difficult examinations in the world. My family was ecstatic. I had an impression that such an All India Rank (AIR) would not be of much use. I called up and informed my tutors. However, they told me that I could get some decent enough engineering branch. Words of encouragement, Words of hope!

I later got to know that I had scored 20 in Chemistry, 41 in Physics and 17 in Mathematics. Damn FITTJEE! Their solutions suggested that I would score 32 on Chemistry with an AIR of less than 1000. A difference of 12 marks is HUGE indeed.

I received the call letter for the counseling soon. In the few days time that I had, rounds of consultation with people with any relations with the IITs continued. I finally rounded off my choices to few branches close to my AIR. I wanted to go for a B.Tech course rather than an integrated M.Sc course, most of which were easily available with my AIR. My preference was of course IIT Kharagpur, the oldest of all IITs and the closest to my hometown – just 5 hours away!

At the counseling session at IIT Kharagpur, as I entered the main gate of the academic block, I saw the huge main building with the words

INDIAN INSTITUTE OF TECHNOLOGY

Dedicated to the service of the nation

The colossal structure awed me as much as these words which instilled a sense of pride. I wanted to be a part of it!

The counseling session finished off, with me offering my list of choices. I had given 24 options. I was sure to get only one, the rest just to fill up the page. After few days, I received the confirmation from IIT Kharagpur.

Based on your AIR and the choices during the counseling session you have been offered admission in to the B.Tech Course in Mining Engineering at IIT Kharagpur.

My tryst with the Indian Institute of Technology : Chapter 3

First year at IIT Kharagpur

The first year at IIT has a common syllabus irrespective of the admitted course of study. It would be dishonest to say that I was sure to do well. I knew I was among the lower ranked students at IIT Kharagpur. I definitely had apprehensions regarding my performance while I studied and competed with bright students from all over India There was this system at IITs, by which a student was allowed to change his course of study at the end of the first year, popularly known as depC (department change). But that required obtaining a minimum Cumulative Grade Point Average (CGPA). For students admitted to the B.Tech course, it was 8.25/10.00.

I didn’t aim for a depC. But I did aim to do well in my exams.

I attended classes regularly, was among the first few benchers, took down notes, completed assignments on time, and was pretty satisfied with how things were going. In the meantime, I had made some friends. My first friends at the Indian Institute of Technology were my wing-mates at the hostel or hall of residence, as they were called – Tapas, Someshwar, Aakash, Karan, Sharma, Silver and Suvrat.

My mid semester results were good. That motivated me to study harder and score as much as I could. I realized later that I was pretty stupid to believe that involvement in extra-curricular activities would hamper my studies. Another wrong notion was that getting a computer would kill all my time, leaving nothing for studies. One can always find time to get involved in all sorts of activities, yet maintain a good academic record. The first semester went off well and I managed 8.71/10.00. Pretty good score, indeed. I found that I had scored ahead of many students with better AIRs than me. That was a confidence booster, for sure! It also made me realize that the AIR was nothing but just a reflection of one’s performance on that fateful IIT JEE Mains day. Was it really? Well, ok it was perhaps.

The second semester consisted of some dreaded subjects like Electrical Technology and Chemistry. Chemistry, because it was a low scoring subject. Not to mention Engineering Drawing which was our first exposure to core engineering. I kind of liked it. Perhaps, engineering was my cup of tea. The second semester witnessed the purchase of quite a few computers in the wing – 4 to be precise. Well then, the rounds of movies and games started. I was not too keen on computer games, but yes movies! I started to bunk few classes-not entirely because I was not interested, but they were really boring! Things were getting loose. Mid semester results were kind of okay and I needed to do well, to have a good CGPA. The chance of a good depC had started to play on my mind. I would calculate the grade point required to have a decent CGPA at the end of first year, on many occasions.

With 5 days to the end semester examinations, I contracted Chicken Pox, perhaps from Tapas who had just been cured of it. I had to be admitted in the hospital, within our campus. My parents were very worried, especially my mother. My father rushed in overnight to see me. He lived there for a couple of days. Since it was a contagious disease, I was to be kept isolated in the hospital. So, I had no alternative but to study there and appear for my exams from the hospital bed. Tapas brought me books and notes. Thank God, IIT has this system to allow hospitalized students to appear for the examinations. Else I would have been doomed for sure! I managed to score a modest 8.16/10.00. My final CGPA was 8.45 and I was very much eligible for a depC. I filled out the forms giving my choices, starting off with the impossible Computer Science and Engineering.